Who am I?

It is time for me to discover who I am. Of course, easier said than done, I am 30 years old, and need to resart my life again. What makes me tick? I guess for me to do this, I must be comfortable with my past.

Recently, I have broken up with a great girl. A mutual decision, as the difficulties of here living in Australia away from her family in Sweden were a lot for both of us to deal with. I was constantly concerned that she would leave me, to return home. This weighed heavily on me, as it did that I was the only person that she had in Australia. A lot of pressure, amongst these feelings and work, I guess I panicked. We had spoken of children, and marriage, and she would have been a great wife and mother. Our time frames for these things did not match up. That was that.

Do I miss her? Absolutely. Now I go to work, and come home to an empty house to accessorise my empty heart. A hole now exists inside me where there wasn't one previously. Do I feel alone and worried about the future? For sure, but I guess this is natural. No estimated time of happiness to kick in. We all know this. Time heals, or so the cliche goes.

Worthlessness, at the moment it consumes me. I hate myself, so how can I expect everyone else not to feel the same. Distractions, I have a few. No where near enough to fill the void. Things that I was once excited about now seem so dull. I appear to have fallen out of love with everything that I once loved. Stress is high, insomnia is keeping me company and self distruction is in full swing. Drinking too much, driving too fast and seemingly doing my best to lose my job amonst other self loathing traits are all unwelcome guests in my mind.

This is the time, the time to turn it all around. The sun WILL come out tomorrow, I just have to look at it. If it helps me escape my thoughts for any amount of time then I must remind myself to stop and take notice. I have a great family, I have great friends and they are there for me, even if I don't confide in them.

Now I ask myself the question without an answer yet,

WHO AM I???